And why wouldn't you have children? I just - he could not wrap his head around it. And at some point, after she got together with her now-husband, his teenage son asked her.ĬARBONARO: I don't understand it. And I'm like, when is my biological clock going to start running? MARISA TOMEI: (As Mona Lisa Vito) My biological clock is ticking like this.ĬARBONARO: My biological clock is ticking. She was always waiting for the urge to have kids to kick in.ĬARY CARBONARO: You know, you think of that movie, you know, "My Cousin Vinny." You can also tell people you don't want kids or not. SEGARRA: But also, when it's the third time she said that this month, you might decide to sit down with your mom and say, hey, you know, it feels like you're not hearing me or respecting my choice. HARRIS: I think there's a playful and joking way in which you can respond, right? Mom, are you going to take care of these kids when I have them? OK. Maybe in some instances, you'll want to take a warmer approach because you know the person means well, like when your mom says, when are you going to give us grandchildren? You are entitled to be child-free and to communicate that whenever and however you want. But the bigger point here is this is your life. HARRIS: As you can see, there are plenty of things you can say when people come at you with these kinds of comments. I also don't think that a person should have kids with the expectation that those kids that they bought into the world will take care of them. HARRIS: There are nursing homes full of lonely parents who have five, six, seven kids, and their kids are not visiting them. SEGARRA: Then there's the old, but if you don't have kids, you know you're going to die alone, right? HARRIS: Well, I'm living proof that not every woman wants a child. SEGARRA: Another comment she's gotten - come on, every woman wants children. And so I don't have to bring a child into the world to know what true love is. HARRIS: And there are different forms of love, right? I love my parents. MARIELLE SEGARRA, BYLINE: If she responds to stuff like that, she says, look, I've been in love. HARRIS: You'll never know true love until you have children. Harris runs an online community called NoBibsBurpsBottles for Black women who are child-free. NPR's Life Kit reported on how to build a life when you don't have kids in a recent episode, and host Marielle Segarra talked to some child-free people about how and when they respond to those comments.ĭAVIS: Angela L. Harris, who has made that choice herself, says when people find out you're child free.ĪNGELA L HARRIS: It seems like, you know, we have three heads.ĭAVIS: And they'll say all kinds of things, ranging from well-intentioned to nosy to cruel. In 2021, Pew Research Center came out with a survey showing that a growing share of childless adults in the U.S. One of them is the choice not to have children. There are certain life choices that people feel entitled to grill strangers about.
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